Eighteen

My computer doesn't know it, my sister doesn't know it, and most of my friends probably don't even know it, but Gillette does. "What is this nut referring to today? And I didn't know he had a sister!" I hear you mumbling to yourself in that voice you use when mumbling things to yourself. Well, I anticipated your rusings, and I have an answer for you: I am referring to my eighteenth birthday. And I don't have a sister.

Today in the mail I received a very interesting item from Gillette. I'm not quite sure how they got ahold of my birthday, and I can't say that I'm happy that this information is so easy to find. I mean, sure, it's not my social security number or anything, but if someone wanted to find out a tidbit about me, my unnatural interest in crocheting horses without the benefit of a squeegee, for instance, I'm sure they could. And this is disturbing.

But that tangent aside, I got something in the mail from Gillette today. It came in a package labelled "A gift for your 18th birthday," or something to that effect. I was a little bit shocked, to say the least, but I opened it. Inside was a razor (five blades!!!!!!111oneone) and some shaving gel. Needless to say, I'm pretty impressed. When was the last time you got anything from a national shaving conglomerate (I know, that isn't used properly, but I really wanted to use it, so don't burst my bubble!)? ... Actually, don't answer that, because you'll probably say, "Why, on my eighteenth birthday, you silly bloke!" And I'll be like, "What are you? British? Don't bloke me!"

I asked a couple of my friends, and they said that they too received the thing from Gillette on their eighteenth birthday. It's some sort of coming of age thing. You graduate from kindergarden and you and the rest of your class gets silly awards like, "Most likely to develop hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia," and "Least likely to eat a worm on the moon"; you turn 50 and you get the invitation to join AARP; you turn 18 and Gillette sends you a razor blade to make you spend the next 80 years of your life buying their overpriced products. It's all about marketing. Or something. It's more likely or something.

Anyway, I think I'll start making a list of things I can/cannot do when I'm 18 (Help me out in the comments!):

• Smoke


• Uhm...have...do...how to put this? I'll just leave it unsaid; you know what it means.


• Go to jail. Real jail. Not just juvi like that time in second grade...


• Be tried as an adult


• Go clubbin'


• And least importantly: vote

Sounds like 18 is gonna be great!

Azeroth

It's been a long time since you've heard from me. Believe me, I know. Because I've heard from you. And it's getting stinkin' annoying, so shaddup about it, will ya?

I actually had a post that I was working on on the 21st of January, but I didn't feel that it was up to par, and knew that many of you would be disappointed if I published the low quality (how to put it eloquently...?) crap that I had produced. So I abandoned it, and am moving on to better things.

I suppose I will begin this post by stating that I have been sucked into the world of Azeroth. I'm not quite sure when my last post was (anyone want to check?), but it has been quite a while. Probably before Christmas. I blame it all on Azeroth. Azeroth is the land in the game World of Warcraft. And a fun game it is. It has brought me about 5 days of enjoyment since Christmas (that's actual in-game time). I know; I'm a loser. I know; I'm really a loser. I know; you wish you were me.

I could go into a little bit of detail about the World of Warcraft, but I don't think you're really interested in that. If you were interested in that, you probably wouldn't have a life, and would therefore not be reading this blog, which would indicate that you're not interested in this either. So if you're interested in that, you can't be interested in this, and if you're interested in this, you could be but probably aren't interested in that. But if you are, then you're interested in both this and that, and I applaud you for finding a balance between the two. But if you are interested in neither this nor that, I feel that I must ask a question of you: why are you neither interested in this nor that? (Opportunity for comments here, folks!) Explain in a well written essay what caused you to be interested in neither this nor that, why you like being interested in neither this nor that, and why you plan to continue being interested in neither this nor that. Extra credit will be given for those that can also include why they are not interested in "this, that, or the other" because that would just be plain cool.

Wouldn't you have just preferred me talk about WoW for a little bit instead of that? Well that's what you get.

I really don't have time to be writing this journal entry. I have plenty of other things that are begging me to devote my time to them, but I felt that it was necessary to at least posts something to avoid an insurrection among the ranks. I doubt that I have avoided that, being as late to battle as I am, but I suppose one must do what one can. Just be kind to me because of your knowledge that I may one day be your boss. Or with the assuredness that I will one day be mopping your floors. But no matter which it is, please don't tell me. I like to think that people like me.

(How'd I do?)