Eighteen
My computer doesn't know it, my sister doesn't know it, and most of my friends probably don't even know it, but Gillette does. "What is this nut referring to today? And I didn't know he had a sister!" I hear you mumbling to yourself in that voice you use when mumbling things to yourself. Well, I anticipated your rusings, and I have an answer for you: I am referring to my eighteenth birthday. And I don't have a sister.
Today in the mail I received a very interesting item from Gillette. I'm not quite sure how they got ahold of my birthday, and I can't say that I'm happy that this information is so easy to find. I mean, sure, it's not my social security number or anything, but if someone wanted to find out a tidbit about me, my unnatural interest in crocheting horses without the benefit of a squeegee, for instance, I'm sure they could. And this is disturbing.
But that tangent aside, I got something in the mail from Gillette today. It came in a package labelled "A gift for your 18th birthday," or something to that effect. I was a little bit shocked, to say the least, but I opened it. Inside was a razor (five blades!!!!!!111oneone) and some shaving gel. Needless to say, I'm pretty impressed. When was the last time you got anything from a national shaving conglomerate (I know, that isn't used properly, but I really wanted to use it, so don't burst my bubble!)? ... Actually, don't answer that, because you'll probably say, "Why, on my eighteenth birthday, you silly bloke!" And I'll be like, "What are you? British? Don't bloke me!"
I asked a couple of my friends, and they said that they too received the thing from Gillette on their eighteenth birthday. It's some sort of coming of age thing. You graduate from kindergarden and you and the rest of your class gets silly awards like, "Most likely to develop hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia," and "Least likely to eat a worm on the moon"; you turn 50 and you get the invitation to join AARP; you turn 18 and Gillette sends you a razor blade to make you spend the next 80 years of your life buying their overpriced products. It's all about marketing. Or something. It's more likely or something.
Anyway, I think I'll start making a list of things I can/cannot do when I'm 18 (Help me out in the comments!):
- Smoke
- Uhm...have...do...how to put this? I'll just leave it unsaid; you know what it means.
- Go to jail. Real jail. Not just juvi like that time in second grade...
- Be tried as an adult
- Go clubbin'
- And least importantly: vote
Sounds like 18 is gonna be great!
posted by Mark @ 9:06 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
You can get married without your parents permission (not recommended in most situations!)
You can enter legally binding contracts (see marriage)
Along with being tried as an adult (which you mentioned) you can also be sentenced to the death penalty.
You can buy The Stupid People Tax, AKA The People Who Can't Do Math Tax, aka Lottery tickets.
You can get into clubs now, but you'll get a little "No drinky drinky" stamp on your hand.
You can have.. do.. You know.. With teachers and they won't get send to jail for it.
You can now get credit cards so you can verify your age on those "adult" websites.
You cannot legally go to aforementioned "adult" websites if they do not display adults. Althought I don't know the laws if animals and adults are displayed.
You can't have...do.. you know.. with minors. That's called Statutory Rape.
You can no longer toilet paper people's houses without fear of going to jail.
You can't rent a car, and you still pay out the teeth for insurance.
You can't be President of the U.S.A. (but you can be president of your own startup business)
Even senior citizens aren't allowed to murder, so if you were looking forward to that, STBY.
You can't legally drink alcohol.
You can't get into most strip clubs. (this goes along with the alcohol one) Erm.. Not that I'd know personally..
Just in case I left anything out: You can't legally do anything illegal. Unless there's some kind of loophole that let's you legally be illegal. But that should be illegal!
well...have you tested any of these new abilities out yet?
Post a Comment
<< Home