Nerd

As it seems that I’ve garnered the title “Nerd” recently, I feel obliged to make a few comments on the issue.

First off, here’s to all the people that have known that I’ve been a nerd all this time and have not felt a yearning to educate me as to the matter: You suck! And here’s to all the people that have known and have felt that same yearning but did nothing about it: You suck even more!

Now, I had figured that I met the requirements to achieve nerdom a long time ago, but it was more of a subconscious knowing than a flat-out realization. But first let me define nerdom for all you unnerdy readers out there.

The Write Words defines the pejorative word “nerd” as:

1. A creature in a Dr.Seuss children’s book, If I Ran the Zoo.
2. A socially inept or unattractive person.
3. A person who is more interested in pursuing intellectual interests than in keeping up with trends in fashion.

I will now examine each definition of the word nerd. The first one fits me quite well. Though I don’t necessarily remember the plot of If I Ran the Zoo, I must say that it is probably a classic. It is likely a race of animal that the speaker in the book would like to have in his zoo; a very odd, strange, loserish kind of animal that has no friends. That is just like me in everyway, because I very clearly have no good friends; at least that seems to be the case with those that I hung out with last night (let’s just say that they are the cause of this journal entry). This definition aside, I regress and move on.

Now, for the second entry. I am most definitely and without a doubt a socially inept person. Allow me to illustrate: One time, when I was talking to someone, I stopped. How stinkin’ socially inept is that?!? Oh...And there was this other time...Let’s see if I can remember this correctly...Ok...I was talking to someone this one time, and I stopped! Where did I get all these ineffectual social skills? Oh...and there was that other time..............................

Enough said.

Now to continue with the rest of that definition. The second half of part two of the definition of “nerd,” states that the nerd is an unattractive person. To illustrate this point, I give you a picture of me in twenty years (Look up–I’m not quite sure why I’ve changed my name to “Ernie.” Time must not have been kind to “Mark.” Maybe it wasn’t nerdy enough, I dunno...).

Now on to the third definition of “nerd.” Granted, this is the kindest of the three, but I will try to make it sound as mean as I possibly can. This definition of nerd states, “A person who is more interested in pursuing intellectual interests than in keeping up with trends in fashion.” What kind of dweebish loser would be interested in intellectual things anyway? One that wears collared shirts all the time since he obviously has no clue about anything going on the the latest fashion scene! Frickin’ idiot! (Make sure you click that–I tried to find “Gosh!” but couldn’t).

Ok...with all of these definitions now properly examined, I now feel it necessary to examine the implications of this new title that I have earned through such arduous efforts. With it already understood that my personality fits all of these characteristics and that there is literally no hope for me to overcome my nerdish tendencies, I don’t really know what else there is to say. I mean, I could mention that you must be a loser if you’re my friend, and suggest that you abandon me before your social life takes a turn in the wrong direction, but if you were smart enough you’ve probably already done that. I could suggest that you find new friends that are involved in a better crowd than the one I am in (Can you imagine the conversations I must have with all my nerdish friends? We talk about rectilinear motion {not as dirty as it sounds, actually} and the joys of simple pendulums over physical ones; certainly nothing that you’d ever want to be around). I could even mention that nerds have more fun, but you wouldn’t believe me. No, there is no escaping from the stigma that surrounds nerdom, so I figure I might as well embrace it and make the best of it. Thanks to all those that helped me realize the problem that haunts my life, and I hope that you’ll someday find the stereotype that makes your life as loserish as it is. I mean...It couldn’t possibly be as bad as being a nerd, could it? ;)